Anyone in my inner circle knows I am a complete
germaphobe and suffer from anxiety. As you can imagine, being a mom to
two young boys can often gross me out. And with flu season right around
the corner, I am on high alert. I've stocked hand sanitizer, Lysol wipes,
disposable gloves and every flavour of fever medication.
Every September, my mommy friends and I dread back-to-school for two reasons: gastro and head lice. Last year, my oldest caught gastro three times
within six months. And guess what? No one in this house went
unscathed. That shit (no pun intended) spreads like wildfire. No amount of Lysol or bleach saved us. Why? Because kids have absolutely no sense of timing or aim when it comes to puking
and crapping their pants. They pooped and barfed on every square inch of
this house... except for the toilet!
Our elementary school sends home a note about lice each fall.
They advise parents check their children's heads for nits at least once
a week. Every Friday night I turn in to a friggin mama chimpanzee.
I put on rubber gloves, stick my kids in the bath and search through
their hair with a fine-toothed comb. Any time they scratch their heads I jump on them and inspect
their scalps like the CDC would jump on a sick chicken during a deadly bird flu
outbreak. Just the thought of these teeny tiny creepy crawlies makes me itch all over. What's worse than the itching is that lice are a giant
pain to get rid of.
Let's be honest here. Kids are pretty
disgusting. They may look cute and sweet, but I assure you they are
disease ridden. I had an inkling this was the case way before I had kids.
I'd see them at the park or at the grocery store. They almost
always had snot dried up under their nose, dirty fingers or weird crust caught
in their tangled manes. But now that
I've caught almost every documented communicable illness from my own boys, it's clear I didn't understand to what extent children
could be a health hazard.
Fact: Children are vessels for germs and bacteria.
(I read an entire chapter on the subject in one of those parenting books childless friends like to give expectant moms.) Here's the proof.
For some reason, kids like to lick
things that shouldn't be licked. My oldest's tongue is strangely
attracted to everything from bank machine keypads to elevator buttons.
But give him some grapes and he'll suddenly dry heave. Preschoolers
enjoy sharing sippy cups at playgroups with the most mucousy children in
attendance. Boys and girls alike can't keep their hands to themselves in
public washrooms. They are obsessed with touching every toilet seat and
used paper towel. And sometimes- I speak from experience- kids like to
fish out turd from their BabyBjorn potty and bring it to you as your cooking to prove they've gone
poo-poo like a big boy.
My unexplained rash this summer. It spread all over my back. Could my children have been the cause? Probably!
Clearly, I know what I'm talking about. Based
on my experience, I've come up with some practical advice for parents to stay
healthy. Here are some tips to keep those viruses, bugs and diseases at bay:
• Wash your hands frequently. You get
used to the chapped, stinging skin after a while.
• Always carry hand sanitizer.
• Never eat the icing on a kid's
birthday cake. Chances are the birthday boy or girl, and all the underage
guests, unintentionally spit on the cake while blowing out the candles.
• Don't sniff any unidentified hard
or dried out matter on the floors or walls of your home. I can tell you
from experience that it's probably poop.
• Don't share a tube of toothpaste
with your little ones... it's most likely been up a nose or for a dip in the
toilet.
• Never eat from your child's
plate... you don't know where that mouth has been.
• During a bout of gastro, line the
beds and sofas with plastic. It makes them easier to clean.
•
Keep your distance. You can love your kids from afar.
I'd like to know if you have any tips for keeping your household
healthy. Also, let me know your grossest kid stories. Thanks for
sharing!
I don't have any advice seeing as I have an infant and germs seem more or less manageable at this age (he isn't handing me his poop or anything) but I will keep these tips in mind when he starts daycare!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it while it lasts! He'll be getting into messes soon enough.
DeleteAt my house we have separate cups for rinsing our mouths after brushing. Here ar my tips:
ReplyDeleteChange hand towels frequently
Wash toothbrushes in hot soapy water regularly (Especially during cold/ flu season
When someone is sick, i disinfect doorknobs, lightswitches, remotes, phones, keyboards
Place tissue boxes in every room of the house
Hand sick one a barf bowl to be carried around at all times. Works at my house!
Air out the house. You need a draft for ten minutes to change out the air in a room!
Eat well, exercise, get plenty of rest.
I forgot one: a few drops of teatree oil in the shampoo wards off lice!
ReplyDeleteLike the tea tree oil idea. Think I might give it a shot... I've heard lavender works also.
DeleteI don't have kids and even i'm paranoid about lice!!
ReplyDeleteWho isn't? They are nasty buggers.
DeleteYou took the words right out of my mouth! I'm flashing on 5 days ago at the clinic with my little lady - she licked (put her mouth on) the examining table! Are you kidding me??!! Definitely going to do the toothbrush thing mentionned above & the "puke bowl" - let's hope that this year she's finally learned to aim!
ReplyDeleteYum... Sounds tasty.
Delete